I love this picture. It so embodies the feeling of being at the stable. Everything is so orderly and relaxed. This is one of the dogs out there. His name's Taz. When he's feeling really peaceful he'll just come up and lean on me or take a quick nap at my feet. Animals teach us so much about what it is to be human.

This week I am working to love what's around me. Embrace what Idaho has to offer. Look for the rich culture that surrounds me. Bring ancestors back to life by reading their journals.

This week communicate the love you feel. Do something you've been putting off. Tonight I finally went to Wal-Mart and got my grandpa's watch fixed. It took less than a minute and now I can keep him closer to me. Take that extra effort. It always pays off.

I've been thinking about writing this post for many days now and I just wasn't sure how to put what I wanted to portray into words. This is probably the biggest thing that keeps me from posting. I know what I feel and I don't want to botch it up putting it across. This post is inevitably long. I have a ton of things I've wanted to say for such a long time I have never said. I've conveniently split it into three parts for easy readability. I hope that some of this will help you.
As many of you know I recently started volunteering at a stable near my house. I don't hesitate in saying it has literally changed my life. For most of my life I thought the whole cowboy scene was pretty lame, maybe it's because it's what I grew up with, maybe not. At first I thought it would just be a lesson but when I was invited to 'hang out' sometime I found myself itching to go to the stable. I wasn't sure what 'hanging out' entailed, but I found that wasting away in front of the computer just didn't cut it for my life anymore. I had to move. I had to act. I had to get myself to that stable!
I gathered what was left of my bank account, went to CAL Ranch Store (a place I went to once as a vegan and was thoroughly appalled). I bought some boots (which I know list as one of my prized possessions) and went to the barn. At first I was apprehentious. As I mentioned before, I wasn't sure what my day would bring. I figured it would be a lot of crap work, which I have to admit, it was. But I also got to work with the horses. I got to groom them and help exercise them and feed them, and that wasn't the crap work! It was invigorating. I had to go back the next day! And the next day. I spent every day there when I had no prior engagement.
For most of my life I dreamed of the sea. I longed to live by the beach and learn to surf. I thought it would fulfill me and fill me with vitality and happiness. I'm not saying that I never will live by the beach because for all I know I will and I will love it. But after going to this , I just feel like I found myself. For the first time, I didn't need to dream about the beach or New York or being an actor. I didn't want to distract myself from what was happening right in front of me.
Which brings me to what I really want to talk about. Our whole lives we are told not to wish our lives away, to live right now, to stop dreaming and live. I always thought I was. I said that if I can just get over this crappy childhood, go on a mission, move to New York and become an actor, I can really live in the now! I know it sounds stupid, but isn't that what so many of us do? We wait for college or a career or a relationship. I know it can be hard to look at what our life is and decide that it is something magical, but that's what we have to do. The only way we can change our surroundings is by our perception of it. Our routine might not change, but we can chose to be enthralled by it. I heard a quote once that went something like "We look to the future, regret the past, and disregard our present." We wait for our dream body, regret bad eating habits, and turn our minds off while we are on the treadmill. We wait for our dream person, hate our exes, and overlook those that are right in front of us. There is so much to be spectacularly grateful for, we just have to open our lives and look for it.
End of thought one.
Beginning of thought two.
This was hard for me for a long time. I heard another quote that said "We can never be happy if we don't acknowledge the reality of our own feelings." I was a champion feelings unacknowledger. I was sad and I pretended I wasn't, I was happy and I thought it was fake, I was angry and I thought I had no right. Only when I allowed myself to admit that I was happy, that I had the right to be mad, that sometimes I just have to mourn the loss of something that would have been really great; did I really start to live. Strength is not the absence of emotion just as courage is not the absence of fear. One can not live without embracing the other.
Acknowledge the reality of your own feelings. This entails a lot but one of the biggest things it meant for me is that what you think is fun, might not be fun for someone else, and vice versa. I thought that every one liked reading so it seemed like waste of time. I thought everyone enjoyed music like I did so it felt like idle time. Find what you love and do it! As long as it doesn't hurt someone else, it's the best thing you can be doing right now! It means something totally different to you than it does for anyone else. It's best to be a first rate version of yourself, than a two bit version of someone else.
End of thought two.
Beginning of thought three.
Don't feel trapped into a future you feel destined for. I can not even express how trapped into a future I have felt. It's no ones fault but my own. No one ever told me I should be an actor. Quite the contrary some of my friends did nothing but try to explain what a irresponsible creature an actor is. I felt that I had no choice. I have talent for it. I like to do it. I wanted the fame. I wanted the satisfaction that comes with performing. I thought I had no choice. The truth is, I would be good at it. I would make money at it. I would be successful and happy and content. So why don't I do it? I don't really know. Perhaps it's because I had pigeon holed myself into it and this is twisted rebellion. Maybe it's because I had a (obvious) revelation that we can do many things and be happy. The measure of a life is not how many hear about it, appreciate it, or want to live it. It's how awesome it feels to live it, by yourself or surrounded by a million screaming fans. We don't HAVE to surf, we can horse ride. We don't HAVE to act, we can write. We aren't destined to be one thing or another. And above all else, we are allowed to change our mind mid-stride. I was ready to move to New York and hit up Broadway when I all but fell into a pile of hay. Part of me told myself not to go. I already had a destiny! I can't go changing now! What will people think? They will say I'm flighty, flaky, uncommitted. I will lose relationships that I have forged because of this aspect of myself. The truth isn't that people that don't like us if we change were never true friends. The truth is that we change. As we change, often everything about us changed. Our clothes and friends and sleeping patterns change and that's completely OK. Acknowledge the reality of your feelings. Allow yourself to change. Don't feel trapped. Do what you love. You can do anything you want and it really doesn't matter what it is. Count your blessings. Live now.

I've been searching for something fulfilling; looking for stress relief that seemed so out of reach. It's like I have been missing this piece of me for so long: something that would drain the poison out of me and fill me with peaceful completion. I think I found it, and it feels real good. c:

The key isn't having your day made, it's remembering it for the rest of the day. c:

I don't have much to say but I haven't posted in a while and I miss you guys. :c
Scout camp gets closer and closer every day. I'm like a giddy school girl. I just can't freakin wait!
Also I've done probably my most angsty thing this year. I signed up for horse riding lessons. Just out of the blue. I read somewhere that when looking for a hobby you should look to what you spent your time doing when you were ten. Since I spent basically my whole childhood sneaking into horse fields and hanging with the steeds, I figure this will be a lot of fun. I start Thursday. I'm so excited!
Anyway, just thought I'd check in. What's up wichu?

Almost went Godzilla on people today. But I didn't. Mission Accomplished.

My heart is so full tonight... I used to hate it when people said that. It sounds so pretentious but that's how I feel. If you're having a sad day I hope this makes you feel a little better.
Most people know that if you have self confidence you will treat yourself and others better. It makes sense but sometimes it's still really hard to remember. But if we think about Jesus and how he died for us and God and how he would let his son get killed, it makes it easier to realize how incredibly special every one of us are. I used to wonder the same thing. Why would God think I'm so special? What's so great about me? The truth is, it's all of us. All of you are so amazing. You have the potential to be happy and perfect. Just remember how short life is. Live it up people! Don't squander your time on your problems. There is so much to take in and if we waste our time on the crap of life, we will miss soo much! Just forget your problems because focusing on them doesn't make them go away. Acknowledge you have problems, everyone does! Now wrap them up in a big black sack and put them out for the garbage man. It's time to have fun.
<3, Max

Love and lots of clean laundry, happy Thursday. c:

Spring might just be here.

This week was pretty uneventful. I found the charger for my phone, a package I had been expecting finally came, and my eardrum collapsed. Actually, to be honest, I don't know why I never thought to look in "The Junk Drawer". The charger wasn't even hidden. It was just sitting at the top of the junk.
OK, OK. I'll tell you about my ear. It was quite an interesting experience. The funny thing about having your ear drum pop is you think that you would have to be assaulted with a screw driver or narrowly survive a venomous snake attack, but the truth is that it can pop for virtually no reason.
From what I could gather from the doctor that I visited (I was a little preoccupied with the steady flow of blood coming from my right ear), if a person gets an infection in just the right area of the throat, the tubes that release the pressure from your eardrum are unable to do their job properly and pressure builds inside your ear (this happened to me at work. It was not fun.) The pain and pressure continues to build until one can barely stand up straight. Then your ear drum explodes.
This is where most people would imagine the pain climaxes, but the case is actually the opposite. Once your drum has drummed it's last drum (for two to three weeks) the pain stops. You can tell it's ruptured because you are suddenly deaf and you're not ninety.
From there- or, here, we wait until my hearing comes back and I take antibiotics. I know. It's a thrilling story.
In other news I experience love at first sight with this camera at Walmart. As is customary when one finds a new love, you have to drop the old one. If you want it I'm selling it here on eBay. It's in perfect condition. I'm just not smart enough to use it. I have honestly only used it seven times. Take it off my hands for me?
anyhew, hope this finds you well. hugs and hot kisses, Max.

For a long time I was very unhappy. I mean VERY unhappy. I don't like it when people say stuff like that because it sounds so whiny. But I'm not feeling sorry anymore. I am so happy now. Like REALLY happy. I love my life a LOT. I stopped wondering why some people's life seemed to be free of the troubles that plagued mine. One day I realized that they weren't as trouble free as I thought. There is pain and suffering everywhere. But there is happiness, beauty, love, friendship, and charity everywhere also. To be happy is a simple attention shift.

Yesterday I read a post by another blogger. It was basically an outline of the things that were so spectacular about her life at the moment. I liked the idea so much I had to do it to. So...

Reasons that I love my life right now include St. Tropez and the amazing smell that accompanies it, a really cheap bottle of Acqua Di Gio I found on eBay, a great circle of friend's and family, a healthy body, a great job, fiscal freedom, a religion that answers the questions I have about life, great music, AVATAR: THE LAST AIRBENDER, my boss's really cute puppy, an impending audition, and soooo many other things including this picture:
I love everything about it. It's from the Sartorialist, one of my most favorite blogs. I am dying for shoes like his.
Anyway, not much else to say. Just had to let some of my happiness spill out. <3
What do you love about your life right now? What's that thing right now that just makes you want to jump for joy?

Hugs and warm puppies, Max

Lately something has been nagging at my thoughts. I have been trying to get more organized. I've been revisiting things that I seemed to have forgotten lately. (Nanowrimo.) Things like regular room cleaning, daily showering, and more precisely, journaling. I've always liked journaling. I stuck with it for a very long time. I love how it helps you organize your thoughts and work out problems without even meaning to. But there has always been one aspect of the journaling scene that I have been not so good at. To incorporate journaling into your daily routine, you really have to...write. This doesn't sound very difficult, being born in the techno generation, my handwriting isn't what it should be. And my handwriting speed is DEFINITELY not what it should be. My habit really died at scout camp. After a long, long day at camp, when your head hits the hay, the last thing on your mind is putting pen to paper. The nights that I actually did ink those pages, what I wrote was hardly legible. I lost hope.
But never fear! I resolved this problem this week. Now I'm sure that NONE of you have thought of this so I decided to share. Brace yourselves.
Google Docs. I know. None of you had ever even thought of this. It takes a great mind. It's so simple that I can't believe I never thought of it. Journaling had always been frustrating because my thoughts happened so much faster than I could put them down on paper. But with my (above average) typing speed, journaling has become almost convenient.
For those of you who don't know what Google Docs are, they are simply an online document that you can find under the More tab on the Google home page. If you have a Google account than opening one is effortless. The document saves itself to the web as you type so even if your computer dies mid sentence, your thoughts are saved. Or if a comet flew through your ceiling, narrowly missing your head and fingers but devistating your beloved computer. Considering the fact that if the afore mentioned comet found contact with your leather bound journal, the afore mentioned journal would be toast, we can see which is the more reasonable option.
I encourage you to try it. Creating a Google Doc takes seconds. The benefits are numerous. It is way faster to type your journal. If your house burns down, gets swept away in a typhoon, or is bandited by bandits, your journal will still be safely stored on the interweb.
Your welcome for this knowledge. Use it wisely.

I know I've been ranting on a lot about resolutions, so I hope this won't sound redundant. But I felt like I should share this with you guys and hopefully it will touch one of your hearts.
I'm in my third week of keeping my exercise routine resolution. Supposedly after three weeks your actions become a habit and I can already see my attitude towards fitness changing. I don't have to force myself to do it so much anymore. I like doing it. The thought came to me the other day that if we can change our habits in such a short period of time, would the same work for our attitude? If we thought only happy and uplifting thoughts for a certain amount of time, would our personality change? Is it possible to change our outlook on life by a mental effort?
Following this train of thought, I thought about how many people are struggling in life. So often I have heard (often out of my own mouth) "I don't know how much longer I can do this." or "I just can't take it any more." There are so many people who feel like they are just going to collapse under the burden that they have to carry. If you have a struggle you are trying to deal with and you feel like you can't take it any more, think about your heart like a muscle. If we deal with this sadness for long enough, it will become easier for us. We will be able to bear more and more of the sadness until we can't even feel it anymore and all we can feel is happiness.
If your having a hard time, just know that there are people that love you and that your pain will get easier the more you deal with it. Just don't give up! Fight the fight and if you fall, get right back up again.
<3 Max

I've been thinking a lot about resolutions lately. I've made quite a few this year and everybody knows how hard they are to keep. But I heard a great quote sums up what I think about keeping resolutions. It said something like "Just because we forget to brush our teeth one day, doesn't mean that we'll never brush them again." It's so true. So many people think that because we fall off of the wagon that's taking us to the place we want to go, that we are totally left behind. It's not true! If you screw up your resolution, start it again the next day like nothing ever happened. You are an amazing person for even trying to change in the first place! I've had a resolution not to eat sugar except for the weekends because it makes my eczema go crazy and the person I want to be doesn't have scabby skin. I ate some (delicious) carrot cake tonight. And, though it was decadent, I feel bad. But that doesn't mean I'm going to drop my resolution. And neither should you. You are such a powerful person I know you can do anything you put your mind to. Don't get discouraged. Don't let other people tear you down. Get right back up! I encourage everyone to try their resolution for three weeks. I've heard this is the time it takes to form or break a habit. At least try it for that long and I promise that the satisfaction will be worth all your hard work. Once you change something better in yourself, when you look back it will be like you can't even beleive you didn't do it before. Don't be afraid to sweat towards the person you want to be. It will always be worth it.

I haven't posted in so long and I know I always say that and I always apologize, but an absence of this magnitude warrants an apology.
In retrospect, 2010 was a rough year chuck full of self discovery. There are some things that you can't find out about yourself and blog about at the same time. But (not that I have everything figured out) I wanted to share some things I learned this year. Plus, I love blogging. In the early dawn light of 2011 I decided it was time to pick it up again, so I Googled my way through a blog revamp and here we are. Snazzy, no?
I wanted to post my new year's resolutions before the first of the year was a thing of a past. But I don't want to rush through into the new year with out giving respect to the old one... because 2010 was awesome. I learned some incredibly valuable things last year. Such as:
1. Just because other people have fun doing things, doesn't make them fun for you. Strangely enough I had to be taught this by a book called the Happiness Project. Once you make this self discovery, it seems so obvious, but it is fabulous to know. Just because other people like parties, doesn't make them any less painful for me. Just because others want to grow up and make a living in dentistry, doesn't make it any less disgusting to me.
2. Is similar to one, but just as important. Don't belittle the things that you do love to do just because you don't think that it is right for you. Namely: I love to sing, something I never did because it just wasn't was normal people did. I love to swim, something I never explored because it was for 'fit' people, something I had never classified myself as. And I never spoke my mind about things, because I thought that no one wanted to hear what I had to say. I've come to realize that what other people think doesn't effect me. We have to do us and the friends that we are truly need to have will appear.

Although it might be difficult, I'm determined to make 2011 even better than 2010. So without further adieu, my New Year's Resolutions:
1. Exercise at least five days a week. I've always told myself (or been told by others) that I was 'to thin', had no muscle and would never pull out of my condition because of my Vegetarian life style. These past few months, however, something changed. I realized that the only thing keeping me exactly the way I am, was me. Nothing other people said changed me, but if I internalized their words, then I would never accomplish my dreams. I've come to realize that I've spent to much time dreaming about the person I will be when I grow up and not enough time becoming that person. I am fit in my heart, so this year I will become it on the outside too. If the person you see in the mirror is not what you see in your head, never change your self perception to match a lesser version of yourself. This will only hurt you. Always raise the bar and make yourself better.

2. Get over my fear of singing in public. I love to sing. I love it so much I don't even realize I love it. I sing non stop, even if it's not always out loud. This year I will let my passion take form. I want to share my love with others that appreciate it as much as I do. This year I am going to audition for a major theater where I live. If I get in I will be singing on stage six days a week. Not something you can do if you're afraid to belt Happy Birthday to a friend.

3. I will regret less. Working to change the future is not the same as regretting the past, yet it takes up the same amount of energy. This year I will think only of the positive things that I and others do. I will use my energy to love others and see the incredible bounty that God has given me. I will try to take for granted less and appreciate my blessings more.

I hope you will continue to read my blog. Leave me a comment and tell me what you think. I hope you have the happiest new year of your life.

<3 Max

Yeah. Nanowrimo pretty much drained me of every word I had... hence this is the first post I have written in almost three months.

Nanowrimo was fantastic this year. I actually wrote a coherent story (which is no where near finished).

In other news I just finished my Eagle last week. (!!!!!)

Christmas was yesterday and it was pretty epic. It began with what will always be known in the Peterson History Book as the Fifty Dollar Gay Man Cake. What is a Fifty Dollar Gay Man Cake? Well to the naked eye it looks like a mere chocolate mousse cake, but upon further investigation turns out to be a chocolate mousse cake made by two gay men. Such a confection would normally cost fifty dollars but upon special request for a virgin cake by a friend of a friend, we got it for much cheaper. But through some misinterpretation of the meaning of the word virgin, we got a Fifty Dollar Gay Man Cake With Rum Frosting. And not the kind where all the alcohol burnt out of it. Let's just say we started out the new year with excitement.

That's about all for now. I shall write again soon.

I love dogs. and yes this is another creepy post.

Dogs, or more specifically puppies, are the key to good habits. They MAKE you be good, or you end up with a screwed up dog. For exAmple. If you are not attentive you will have messes to clean up. If you are not constant in your reward and disciplining attitudes than your puppy will never be constant in it's manners and pottytrainedness. Puppies don't like yelling. If you get stressed out, so do your puppies. If you forget to keep your promises, like feeding your dog, they graciously throw up. If you don't keep your appointments, such as taking someone to the potty, then... well. You get the picture.

I never realized how good you have to be to keep your dog good. But it is SO worth it. There is nothing like a warm fuzzy, albeit smelly, puppy greeting you like he hasn't seen you in a million years, even though you just said hi five minutes ago. Puppies also keep you in shape. If you don't walk them, then they make you run them.. or after them.

The jist is that I love my growing puppy. Just thought you should know.

Ah. Sweet is the life of a dog owner. Mostly. Although I swore I would never become one of those creepy people who talk about how their dogs have such attitudes and are just like little people, apparently I have been infected by this ghastly disease and I simply have to extricate myself from society apart from this delicious little blog. Prepare to read some creepiness.

Henry is the best dog. Ever. Although he might have been subject to illegal genetic mutation to exist in such a superior state, we will steer clear of the popo and live our lives in blissful companionship.

Although the first time I saw him I could see through his flee ridden, poop stained coat that he was a champion, he did have what I THOUGHT were flaws. But after a bath with outrageously EXPENSIVE flea shampoo I could see that my doubts were that of one with no faith. Sometimes when I would take him to the bathroom at 3am he would pee and then run away from me. For the first few nights I would chase him down and graciously stuff him back into his kennel. But eventually I thought, to heck with it. If he wants to sleep out here that's fine. So he went and ran away and I was ABOUT to go back inside when he ran around the yard and relieved himself TWO MORE TIMES!

I know. He is truly a champion among beasts.

Aside from the obvious aspects you would expect a future best in show dog, he has many other good qualities. He is not snobbish, even though you would expect such attitude from a canine lady killer, on the contrary, he is great with kids and cats alike.

The third day I had him I looked into the back yard to see him running in tighter and tighter circles around my siblings until they were all rounded up into the most manageable little bundle and I thought to myself, 'What did I do to deserve so many blessings?'

The week has been quite eventful. Among other things my birthday was on the first and I must say that my present is quite exquisite.Is he not fabulous? I know I am one priveledged individual. He is a red merle Australian Shepherd. He has been dubbed Henry in honor of the star of the book (and movie) the Time Traveler's Wife. He is so sweet and adorable and awesome and handsome and cute and nice and easily pottietrainable and smells good and bathes readily and doesn't care for doggie treats and likes to lick my face even though it forces my robust skin into a ghastly rash and smartly herds my siblings into a neat little group and I'm pretty sure he has a thing for Mozart. Perhaps in the future I shall post pictures of my sister's new also Australian Shepherd though I must say that Daisy is hardly as debonair as my dear Henry. If you feel unquenshable jealousy anow, tis ok. You are only human and this is no dog for mere mortals.

A message to the few bodacious subscribers who did not commit suicide in my absence:

I know. I was wrong. I have come back to the side of truth, justice, and literary excellence. I was a fool to withdraw my shining presence from your life and, lets face it, the world is just better off with me here.
However dismal it was, my life did not cease to be glamorous beyond belief. And although it is a shame that you were not there to witness every shining moment, there is simply not enough processing power in your brain to comprehend it all at once. Take it from me, this is for your own well being. But for the sake of your sanity, I shall give you a brief recap of my life thus far.

I was born on a stormy night, under a full moon.

About sixteen years passed.

The first crowning event of my summer was a glorious trip to Seattle which I have raved thoroughly enough at this point in time but have still not done it nearly enough justice. No, your not confused, that sentence just doesn't make sense.

As is customary of my summers, I went from one of the largest cities in the country to as down and dirty as it gets. I courageously marched into the thick of scout camp with flashlight on belt, pneumonia in lung, and very little in stomach. Although my bravery is insurmountably stellar, try not to be too jealous, I made it a whole 12 hours before my parents had to rush me to the hospital where I was life flighted to a research facility so secret I can't even tell you the hemisphere in which it resides. . I don't want to have to kill you so I'll just stop right there.

After recovering what could have been a fatal attack on my immune system, I returned to camp. And although it started out rough, and, well, it ended a little rough too, but it was the single most amazing event of my life. I lived, laughed, and cried harder than I ever have before. Granted I mostly laughed in the wrong place and cried in front of people I only wanted to impress, it was like the first time I really knew where I belonged. It's strange to know that family is so broad a topic. To be old, young, socially grotesque, gifted with so many talents its hard to contain them in one blog, or so horribly single, and to still be willing to give up anything for each other was like magic.

The next few months passed in a heavy fog of post camp madness, which is to say my life truly sucked for the first time. I started work, started school, and read Carolyn Turgeon's new book Godmother. It was such a fascinating book. So dark and alluring and with an ending that spun the whole thing up in such brillinat perfection. Truly stellar.
But at the end of my summer festivities, I came down with a serious case of the snivels.

Which brings us to now.

I have been pretty darn sick. By pretty darn I mean stand up and almost faint, lay down almost suffocate, and never really get a full breath. Not much takes me down so hard, so I knew it could only be one thing. Now although the swine flu is quite a rare disease, nothing else could fell such a manly creature such as I.
A 'physician' *hack hack*, however, diagnosed my condition as none other than asthma. ASTHMA? I am far to debonair to be taken with a disease so commonplace! Aren't there laws against this kind of thing? There are middle class diseases and there are diseases that only people like Micheal Jackson, Heath Ledger, and myself are entitled too. I suppose that if I had been counted in the lucky few worthy of such a high class illnesses my name would have to go down in martyrdom, rather than stardom. But such is the life of rising star.

Other than that, the day that the world was first graced with my presence on is a mere sixteen days away and I must say that I'm surprised Good Morning America hasn't started the count down.
You know how television people are, waiting till the last minute, all about the dramatics.