My Angsty, Self-Discovery Blog

A message to the few bodacious subscribers who did not commit suicide in my absence:

I know. I was wrong. I have come back to the side of truth, justice, and literary excellence. I was a fool to withdraw my shining presence from your life and, lets face it, the world is just better off with me here.
However dismal it was, my life did not cease to be glamorous beyond belief. And although it is a shame that you were not there to witness every shining moment, there is simply not enough processing power in your brain to comprehend it all at once. Take it from me, this is for your own well being. But for the sake of your sanity, I shall give you a brief recap of my life thus far.

I was born on a stormy night, under a full moon.

About sixteen years passed.

The first crowning event of my summer was a glorious trip to Seattle which I have raved thoroughly enough at this point in time but have still not done it nearly enough justice. No, your not confused, that sentence just doesn't make sense.

As is customary of my summers, I went from one of the largest cities in the country to as down and dirty as it gets. I courageously marched into the thick of scout camp with flashlight on belt, pneumonia in lung, and very little in stomach. Although my bravery is insurmountably stellar, try not to be too jealous, I made it a whole 12 hours before my parents had to rush me to the hospital where I was life flighted to a research facility so secret I can't even tell you the hemisphere in which it resides. . I don't want to have to kill you so I'll just stop right there.

After recovering what could have been a fatal attack on my immune system, I returned to camp. And although it started out rough, and, well, it ended a little rough too, but it was the single most amazing event of my life. I lived, laughed, and cried harder than I ever have before. Granted I mostly laughed in the wrong place and cried in front of people I only wanted to impress, it was like the first time I really knew where I belonged. It's strange to know that family is so broad a topic. To be old, young, socially grotesque, gifted with so many talents its hard to contain them in one blog, or so horribly single, and to still be willing to give up anything for each other was like magic.

The next few months passed in a heavy fog of post camp madness, which is to say my life truly sucked for the first time. I started work, started school, and read Carolyn Turgeon's new book Godmother. It was such a fascinating book. So dark and alluring and with an ending that spun the whole thing up in such brillinat perfection. Truly stellar.
But at the end of my summer festivities, I came down with a serious case of the snivels.

Which brings us to now.

I have been pretty darn sick. By pretty darn I mean stand up and almost faint, lay down almost suffocate, and never really get a full breath. Not much takes me down so hard, so I knew it could only be one thing. Now although the swine flu is quite a rare disease, nothing else could fell such a manly creature such as I.
A 'physician' *hack hack*, however, diagnosed my condition as none other than asthma. ASTHMA? I am far to debonair to be taken with a disease so commonplace! Aren't there laws against this kind of thing? There are middle class diseases and there are diseases that only people like Micheal Jackson, Heath Ledger, and myself are entitled too. I suppose that if I had been counted in the lucky few worthy of such a high class illnesses my name would have to go down in martyrdom, rather than stardom. But such is the life of rising star.

Other than that, the day that the world was first graced with my presence on is a mere sixteen days away and I must say that I'm surprised Good Morning America hasn't started the count down.
You know how television people are, waiting till the last minute, all about the dramatics.